So I am finding this increasingly hard! I wake up with the best intentions to be productive and get things done with regards to the blog and my etsy shop. I drive to work thinking about all the amazing things that I could do and try and the bits and bobs that I would like to get done today. I then arrive at work and throw myself into being productive for other people.
By the time lunchtime hits most of the ideas for the blog and my creations have disappeared from my head, although I make a note of each and everyone in my notebook that I keep to hand because my memory is not that great even at the best of times!
17:45 arrives and all enthusiasm for being productive and getting stuff done has gone. To be honest I don’t even think about the things I wanted to do, it’s not even really like I am procrastinating, it’s as if all my ideas have been wiped from my mind. By the time I arrive home all I want to do is eat dinner, shower and wait for sleep.
The only problem is, the second my head hits the pillow it’s like a door is opened and all the ideas and tasks I had planned and thought about on my drive to work are back; with avengence. I don’t panic as such as I know I write them all down so I technically can never fully forget them, it’s more frustration, that once again the things I would like to spend my time doing have been forsaken.
This is a feeling that has been bugging me more and more in recent months. I don’t know why though. Well if i’m brutally honest with myself I probably do.
I am fast approaching what feels like a significant life marker and I am staring at a potential future that I don’t want. I am currently saving to buy a house – goal is by the end of 2017 – but I have fallen out of love with my job. I have no issue with the current, but short term, social life sacrifice as the prospect of my own home and the benefits this has vastly outweighs the frustration of having less disposable income for a few months (I don’t always agree with this but today is a happy day!)
I guess one of the many things niggling at me is the worry that I will commit myself to a mortgage and then in turn to my job in order to pay the bills. This thought is the equivalent to staring down a long dark tunnel with the spark of light at the end seemingly growing dimmer and further away. I always knew I couldn’t do my job forever but I had always managed a work/ life balance that kept me sane and happy and I found my job satisfying. However in recent months it has taken more of my energy and headspace to keep operating at my current capacity at work, keeping clients happy and driving work forward – yet I now feel no satisfaction from it. I am not, however, in a position at this point to walk away and I recognise that I am fortunate to have a job in the first place, it pays the bills and is enabling me to save – but does that have to be in exchange of my happiness? It takes all my energy and enthusiasm every day and leaves me wanting to spend my evenings in hibernation, wishing away the days until the weekend – this is not how planned to be spending the end of my twenties!
I want to spend my time doing more of the things I love, but I can’t seem to muster the energy after a day at work. I need to make a change, but until walking away is a possibility, I need to find a way to manage my time better as I know if I fit in more of the things I love I would be able to re establish a somewhat balance. I am stuck as to how to do this though at the moment; as telling myself every morning that I will fly home and do the creative things I love in the evening is clearly not working! I need to find a way to fit it into my day in a different way as, for the near future, the job situation will not be changing.
So this is where I am at for the time being! I have done and tried lots of things recently that I would like to write about and share with anyone who wishes to read, however I just haven’t got round to it yet and that’s annoying! Some of these things include the biggest declutter of the past 8 years, air dry clay bowls, new knitted creations, braided jewellery, a significant amount of alcohol based creations, homemade beauty and some lovely little bakes.
If anyone has any helpful hints or suggestions as to how to re find an equilibrium I would be exceptionally grateful! I know many of you must have found yourself in the same position and I would be interested to see how you discovered your balance. What did you change and is there any advice you could give?